Okay. Here we go.
I officially declare myself a hazard in crowded buses!
So I’m wondering why I’m carrying more stuff now than I did when I was back in secondary school. Sweet Lord, to think that I sat there years ago in amazement while I watched polytechnic students breeze by me with their non-existent bags. Then again, it’s probably just the huge pencil cases, water bottles, snacks, snacks from last week, dirty laundry and other stuff bulking up my bag. Then, there’s the MacBook – it’s freakishly HEAVY for its size. Like, if we fling it at ten primary school kids lined up like bowling pins, we’ll get a strike.
So anyway, I was carrying my big-ass brown shoulder bag with my Mac inside. I had this other big-ass drawing block on my other hand, together with some grocery bags. I boarded the bus… together with like, 100 other passengers. We were pretty much packed tighter than intestines.
It was embarrassing, man. I think every step I took, I hit someone with either my bag or drawing block. I was constantly going, “Sorry, sorry, excuse me.” But NOOOooo. Some people felt the need to look at me with their eyebrows furrowed. I accidentally hit this one BengBeng with flaming, gravity-defying red hair… the type you see in DragonballZ or something. Like this:
Anyway, he grunted a LOUD, “TSK!” And I was like, “OhEmGee, I’m so sorry.” Rolling his eyes, he made another primitive “TSK.” Yeah yeah, okay. I get it. It’s not like I meant to hit him. Looking back at it, I wish I’d walked back and forth past that guy.
Me: *Swish*
BengBeng: Tsk.
Me: *Swish*
BengBeng: Tsk.
Me: *Swish*
BengBeng: Tsk.
Seriously, it was grueling in the bus. My shoulder was hurting, I was slapping people with the block and I was feeling watched- no, make it glared at. I mean come on, I couldn’t do anything. Just suck it in like good, strong human beings.
Honestly, I would rather let out a biohazardous fart in an elevator than face that same situation again. Farting in an elevator is cool because you can simply look at anyone with that “Was that you? Did you really do that?” dirty look and get away with it. Unless of course, it sounded as loud as elephants blowing their trunks. In which case, you’ve doomed yourself to some alone time in the lift.
So remember friends,
BE SMART AND FART.
Arrivederci.
